Short Story

5 minutes

Alok was on his bed, deep in thought, feeling insecure and frightened and lucky too. The night was silent. The weather was hot. Alok was thinking about his father and those 5 minutes with him which he had spent earlier that day.


Earlier that morning, he was studying in his room when he suddenly heard his father scream. It was not a loud scream. It had pain in it. He went to the balcony to see his father.

He was lying there, on the floor, eyes closed and breathing heavily. He was sweating. Alok got scared and called to his mother. His mother, who was in the other end of the house, had not heard her husband’s scream.

They tried to make him open his eyes. He was shivering and and looked like that he has lost control of his body. Alok’s mind was filled with scary thoughts. He thought his father was going to die. He wanted to call for help but he somehow found himself not moving a bit. All his memories with his father were flowing in his mind. He wanted to cry. In the meanwhile, his mother called for an ambulance and also informed her brother.

Alok was shaking his father’s body, trying to make him open his eyes. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him. He wanted him to live. His father had stopped shivering. He was trying to speak but could only manage to make a small sound.He took his father’s hand and started rubbing it. He supported his father and somehow made him sit on the chair.

His father was looking at him with half open eyes. His face was expressionless. Suddenly he heard a siren. The ambulance had arrived . The paramedics came and took his father to the ambulance in the stretcher. He didn’t want to leave his father’s hands. He was scared to see him go in that ambulance. Alok’s uncle also came just before the ambulance was about to leave.

His mother went with her husband in the ambulance. Alok and his uncle followed in a Ford. They reached the hospital soon. His father was taken into the ICU. Alok waited till evening for his father to gain full consciousness. But the doctors said that it will take him at least another 8 hours to become normal. After hearing this, his mother sent him home with his uncle. Alok wanted to stay but didn’t argue with his mother.

After coming home, he sat on his bed, thinking about his father. His uncle ordered some food but Alok had no appetite. He somehow took some bites and then went to his bedroom and locked it.


Alok decided that the next time he meet his father, he would tell him that how much he loved him . He would express his feelings. He would tell him how much important he is to him and how much he look up to his father. Those 5 minutes with his father in the balcony had changed him and his views about his father.

Thinking all this, he closed his eyes and was immediately in deep sleep. Next morning, the son father relationship transformed to a friendship of lifetime.


© Rishabh Priyadarshi

 

4 thoughts on “5 minutes

  1. This is a good story; I’m glad the son began to think seriously about his relationship with his father and how he should express his feelings.

    Since you asked for feedback, I’ll leave a few tips:
    WordPress allows up to fifteen total categories and tags. Use as many as you can; this will get your blog posts viewed more. Check http://en.wordpress.com/tags for ideas. You could have tagged this story Home, Parenting, Life, Fiction ( if it is fiction), Reflections, Thoughts. You can go back and edit your post, and put in these tags (or categories–whichever you choose.)

    You can also edit your “slug” — which is the name of your blog post —by clicking on the little symbol tot he left of the blog post title. If you click on it, it will say, “Edit slug”. You’ve left this as “Blog Post Title”, which tells a reader nothing about the story. You could call it “My Father” or “I Need My Father!” or whatever. Something that gives readers an idea what to expect in the story.

    And one other thing: writing “experts” nowadays tell us, “Use action verbs. Avoid the forms of to be.” Just to give you an example: You’ve written, <em"It was the ambulance." How about saying, “Suddenly he heard a siren. The ambulance had arrived.”

    I hope this helps. Happy blogging.

    Liked by 1 person

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